you’re worth the beautiful thoughts you think,
and the daring dreams you dream.
Love, I know how comforting the nostalgic thoughts of old habits can be. Your eating disorder will call to you in any way that it can, desperate to have you once more. But none of it is the truth. Sure, going back to old ways would be easy. It may seem oddly comforting. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Feelings just are, and your’s are valid my dear. You are allowed to miss your eating disorder.
But please, I am begging you, do not go back now. Everything you have fought for, whether it is this present moment or ten years from now, is finally possible. The comfort of an ED is not worth the price of your life, and that is what it will take from. You deserve to live. You deserve to spend all day sleeping and bake cookies with your kids and travel to random cafes without a care in the world. You are not a weight, or a hospital stay, or a diagnosis, who you are cannot be defined in such simplistic terms. Do not reduce yourself to something so trivial. You are infinite. You have so much to see and do and believe in, and it’s time you start believing in yourself. Believe you are worth more than those old ways, because it is true.
It is time you take comfort in caring for yourself. Take a bubble bath. Watch a movie that makes you laugh. Dance in your underwear. Paint your nails, put on a facemask, make some delicious noms and drink tea. Though it may not feel natural at first, you are creating new pathways. Make self care your source of comfort, not your eating disorder. Because you deserve that, and so much more.
xx, mags4 notes